too much is happen.

too much is happen.
too much is going on in my head.
too much I must think about things, I don't wanna think about.
too much is happening everyday, just in my mind.
I am confused. I am happy. I am sad. I am different every second, minute oder day.
Just want it to be over. Just want it to be normal.
I I know, that it's gonna be normal. one day. Its gonna be over, and i'll be happy.
I know.

ame.

wheres the light to my shadow?

ame.

fuckin confused

I am fuckin confused now.
at night I lay in bed, crying. Don't know why. I lay there scratching myself
I lay there biting myself and just want it to end. Why does my fuckin mind do all these terrible things to me? What I've done to be such an weirdo.
I thought that it was gone. But i never should believe that's ever gonna be over. Theres just a song, just a word, just a sign and Its back. My Monster. My horrifying Monster. Myself.
The past has create these scars, has create these tears, which are overcoming tonight.
I don't want such a broken Person. But what should I do?
It doesn't get better.
I don't know what I should feel. My heart wont stop swelling.. I don't know how to call this. I forgot how to feel. I forgot so much.
I just hope, that'll get better. That I am not proceed with these shitty things... but Its so hard to stop it, when my Monster is saying: do it! You'll feel better.
Because I DONT FELL BETTER. just a few seconds after it.
I just want this to end.

ame.

sorry for being absent

sorry, that i've been absent so Long.
I decided to write my Posts in english.
My life has changend a Little now. Im happier than before. And I think this is a really good attitude for life now. It isn't happend so much, but you're chaning all the time, even if you don't notice it.
I met someone Long time ago. It must be almost a year, but we never really talked with each other.
But now, were coming closer. I don't know what I really think about him, however I like him.
I hope that I soon realize whats going on in my head.

ame.