too much is happen.

too much is happen.
too much is going on in my head.
too much I must think about things, I don't wanna think about.
too much is happening everyday, just in my mind.
I am confused. I am happy. I am sad. I am different every second, minute oder day.
Just want it to be over. Just want it to be normal.
I I know, that it's gonna be normal. one day. Its gonna be over, and i'll be happy.
I know.

ame.

wheres the light to my shadow?

ame.

fuckin confused

I am fuckin confused now.
at night I lay in bed, crying. Don't know why. I lay there scratching myself
I lay there biting myself and just want it to end. Why does my fuckin mind do all these terrible things to me? What I've done to be such an weirdo.
I thought that it was gone. But i never should believe that's ever gonna be over. Theres just a song, just a word, just a sign and Its back. My Monster. My horrifying Monster. Myself.
The past has create these scars, has create these tears, which are overcoming tonight.
I don't want such a broken Person. But what should I do?
It doesn't get better.
I don't know what I should feel. My heart wont stop swelling.. I don't know how to call this. I forgot how to feel. I forgot so much.
I just hope, that'll get better. That I am not proceed with these shitty things... but Its so hard to stop it, when my Monster is saying: do it! You'll feel better.
Because I DONT FELL BETTER. just a few seconds after it.
I just want this to end.

ame.

sorry for being absent

sorry, that i've been absent so Long.
I decided to write my Posts in english.
My life has changend a Little now. Im happier than before. And I think this is a really good attitude for life now. It isn't happend so much, but you're chaning all the time, even if you don't notice it.
I met someone Long time ago. It must be almost a year, but we never really talked with each other.
But now, were coming closer. I don't know what I really think about him, however I like him.
I hope that I soon realize whats going on in my head.

ame.

new blood

just some creepy photos. have fun.
ame.

I can't forget it,
Though I've tried
I know you'll regret, love
You told me so many times

But, I still wonder
Why...
You left with her
& left me beind

Take your hands off him
Cause he's the only one that I have ever loved
Please don't find her skin
When you turn the lights out

I can't erase it
From my mind
I just replay it, love
I think of all of the time

But I don't want to imagine
Words you spoke to her that night
Make your bodies look like porcelain
You both knew I'd be bleeding inside

Did she make your heart beat faster than I could?
Did she give you what you hoped for?
On nights so loveless, love,
I hope it made you feel good
Knowing how much I adored you

Did she make your heart beat faster than I could?
Did she give you what you hoped for?
On nights so loveless, love,
I hope it made you feel good
Knowing how much I adored you

You're making me sick, love

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3o3fvFFMF1U

Ja jestem nadzieja

Ich heißeHoffnung, ich heiße zuversicht, ich heiße so, wie du nicht bist.

Ich heiße Neues ich heiße schmerz. Ich heiße Hass ich heiße Herz.

ich bin dein Denken, ich bin dein tun

ich werde niemals wieder ruhen.

du kannst nicht gewinnen, du kannst nur mitmachen,

du kannst feuer entfachen und wirst jeden morgen neu erwachen.

du bist das was ich nicht bin und doch.

du steigst aus auf deinem Loch.

Ich bin dein Handeln dein Leben und doch kann ich dir niemals das geben, dass du brauchst.

ich bin du und du bist ich.

ich werde immer bei dir sein, ich guten und in schlechten zeiten..

durch die tiefen reiten.

vergiss mich nicht.

ame.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vS3wTbXAPrQ